I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
