i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
