When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I believe in your delicious
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize