I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
