No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
