I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
