It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
