If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
