I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
