And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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