I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
