I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
