it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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