I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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