i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
