So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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