Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
