New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
