drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
