I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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