Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
