the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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