Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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