I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
