I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
