I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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