The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
