i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
