thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize