He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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