6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
