my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
