We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
