We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am available for nakedness
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
