New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
