Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize