When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
