her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize