I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
