as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
