idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
