and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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