I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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