Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
