you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
