physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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