Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
