I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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