i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
