You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
