ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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