Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
