omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
