i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
