just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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