I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
