If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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