i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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