Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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