Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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