Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
