I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
