Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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