I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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