is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
