You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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