Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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