Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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