hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
