I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the condom got lost in my hair
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
