She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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