I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
