I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
