Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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