dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
