We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
