dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
