my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
