shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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