He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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