we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
