His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
