The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
